Who knew that something that I loved so much would turn out to be my worst nightmare. Ever since I could walk I danced. My mom specifically put my in ballet because she said I was such a crazy child and ballet would teach me discipline and how to listen. My entire life revolved around ballet. What I ate, how much I worked out, what I did in my free time and how much I could socialize all circled around dance. I even moved away from home my junior year to further my training. I loved it and knew that I could become the ballerina I wanted to be. My mind was set on my goal and nothing would stop me from reaching it, except of course myself.
This year was a HUGE game changer in my life. I started to doubt every move I made and the environment at the studio was not a supportive one. The dreadful long hours of standing around and endless classes was really taking a tole on my mental and physical health. I started to (dare I say it...) HATE ballet. I dreaded coming in everyday to take class. I had terrible anxiety and would cry all the time. The teachers were thoughtless as they went on their own business teaching the same classes day in and day out. I felt like a robot just putting myself in auto pilot as their words went in one ear and out the other.
With audition season brought a whole new mess of problems, constantly worrying about what the future held. Acceptance letters brought happiness but the rejections hit me hard. I knew I had been slacking in class but not enough to not get accepted to places I had in past years gotten scholarships to. I was disappointed in myself and was stuck in a very dark hole that seemed to be getting deeper by the second. I questioned if this is really what I wanted anymore. A ballerinas life is filled with uncertainty but could I handle that? Could I handle moving from city to city for the next 5-10 years? No company position is ever garanteed for more than 36 week and the thought of not knowing what I would do to make ends meet terrified me. That's when I decided that this is not what I wanted to do anymore. This was not m dream like it had been for so many years.
I am quitting ballet. As hard as it is for me to say it, I have new dreams and new passions that I want to discover. My love for nutritious food and healthy living has sparked a new light in me. It's something that makes me happy and right now I'll jump on any train that's going to lead me to my happiest self. I will always have a great love for ballet and the arts but for right now it's making me miserable and that is why I have to give it up.
